for a moment the whole world was right <3


Well I’m having a fairly emotional night. My Mom just got home from my Grandmothers, and in tow she had several albums, memory books and poetry from my father. As in the one who passed away when I was a year and a half. I’m not sure if I’ve blogged about him before, I think I have. He was actually the most amazing person. And I can’t help but find myself wondering why God took him away from us so early in life. But on that same token, my life would be completely different if I’d stayed living in Florida. I probably wouldn’t have started riding, I wouldn’t have my brother, I wouldn’t have met my boyfriend. But still, it’s pretty hard to deal with the fact that I have actually no real memories of my Daddy Rog.

My Mom had an envelope full of old notes they had written to each other. Which was sort of eery, because Cody and I write notes to each other all the time. Some of the notes between my Mom and Dad were almost word for word the notes between Cody and I. It really was crazy how much they loved each other.

And now I’m sitting here crying, blogging and listening to “The Dance” by Garth Brooks. The song that was played at his funeral. The song that helped my Mom understand his death a bit more. It’s still hard. And as I get older I find myself getting more and more sensitive about the subject. I also find myself realizing just how strong of a woman my Mother was and still is. I can’t imagine losing my husband when I’m 25 and being left alone to raise a baby. She truly is amazing. And I don’t tell her that often enough.

I went down to Florida recently to visit Daddy Rog’s Mom, sisters and brothers for the first time in 18 years. Along with that were all my cousins. It was nerve racking at first. I honestly didn’t know what to expect. But they were so welcoming. And I’m so glad I finally went down to see them. I’m so much like them. It’s strange; the whole “nature vs. nuture” thing. All of us liked the same music and the same movies. I could finish most of my aunt’s sentences. And my cousin and I are practically the same person.

I know everything would be different if he were still alive. Maybe life would be better, or maybe it would be worse. I just wish I could have gotten to know him a bit better. And I’m scared to death to lose anyone else like that. I really don’t know what I’d do. But I suppose it’s best not to think like that.

I mostly decided to blog tonight because I am alone in my house. Cody is playing golf and I didn’t have anyone else to cry to except my computer. Pathetic. I know. But it’s a hard topic to bring up to my Mother. I don’t like upsetting her about it. I’d like to post one of my Daddy Rog’s poems here that he wrote to my Mother. Just to sorta keepsake it I guess. Maybe somehow he’ll know that I’m thinking of him tonight.

Forever

Who would have thought we could in love
That September night with the New York sky above
Yet, like a golden winged gypsy dove
Our flight had just begun
Forever…I love you

Before that night, I dreamed of only a kiss
A kiss from your lips might somehow be enough
But Cupid’s arrow would not miss
The stage was set - the magic of love
Forever…I love you

Now, looking back as if from above
I realize that my life from birth to date
Was in preparation of our undying love
A destiny to which there was no escape
Forever…I love you

Our life together will be eternal
You to me and me to you
Together we are strongest of all
For a lifetime of dreams come true
Forever…I love you



when no one else would ever come through


Wow. I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’ll do it in note form and not go into too many details otherwise I’ll be writing for hours.

- My show with Bently was awesome, we kicked butt. We placed in every class and won the money class ($1000 woot!)
- While Bently and I were awesome, my trainer and I were not. I got bossed around, yelled at, made fun of and finally I reached my breaking point. I ended up leaving the show halfway through so poor Harry didn’t get to show.
- Shit continued to hit the fan and so I decided to bring Harry to my house.
- I took my pedicure course so I could work for my Mom at her salon, so wow I actually get paid now!
- Harry is fantastic. As per usual. He’s such a good boy and he’s enjoying being at the farm. He gets a HUGE field and a nice stall =]
- I bought another horse haha. A cute little Dun QH with Peppy San Badger right on his papers. He’s adorable and I’m hoping going to flip him this fall.
- Cody and I have a wedding to go to this weekend in B.C.
- I’m taking Harry to a QH show in a few weeks, so that should be interesting.

I guess that’s it for now. So much stuff happened. I’d be more then happy to share the details of what went down with my trainer over AIM, just let me know haha. It’s quite an interesting story. I’ll try to get better about freaking blogging.



there’s your trouble


Happy Easter.

I can’t say I’m a fan of this holiday anymore. It’s funny to think that it’s exactly three years ago today that my Dad walked out on his family.



because andy you’re a star


I don’t know why I’m blogging. I should definitely be a) driving home b) in class or c) doing homework. But I’m the world’s biggest procrastinator. Really what did I expect? I am freaking exhausted. I went to a horse show with Chelsea’s students on the weekend. I warmed up a few ponies and was basically a slave. I took care of the horses/kids not showing, made sure the horses Chelsea was riding were ready and made sure horses were unbraided and ready to come home. And I get paid nothing. Ugh. I work my ass off and barely get thanks. I know. I sound like a bitch. But oh well. I’m just exhausted and stressed. Chelsea gives me a lot of opportunities, I’m just ready to start actually making money.

I can’t remember if I mentioned that I saw Andy a few weeks I go. We were down at a tack store that’s located on one of the school horse barns and Chelsea and I went down to the barn and saw Mister Andoo. I forgot I much I missed him. I freaking bawled my eyes out. But he’s doing well. Now that I wrote this I’m pretty sure I already mentioned it. But I passed the barn like eight times this weekend and I was thinking of him a lot.

Harry pulled a shoe on Sunday so he’s been off since then. The farrier came today though so hopefully he’s all good. Lessons have been alright. Our first show is in a month and a half. Plus I’m taking Bently in the 1.10m. I might die. Actually. I feel like I haven’t been riding at all. I did go to Greenhawk yesterday and got two new show shirts and a pair of brown Tailored Sportsmans. My show shirts are super pretty, one is white and teal pinstripes while the other is purple checker sorta things. Very nice. I can’t wait to wear them bahaha. My Mom is starting to ride too haha, so she got a pair of breeches and half chaps. Cute.

I officially have nothing else to say. One week left of school. Then exams. Then my trip to Florida to visit my biological Dad’s family. That is going to be one awkward trip. But a nice break. I freaking need a break from life haha.



just a small town girl living in a lonely world


I am so stressed about school. It’s not even funny. One month left and I should be estatic. I’m not though. Well maybe a little. But seriously I have two HUGE group projects due April 9th, two projects in my graphics class worth 25% and 30%, then a bunch of other assignments that aren’t worth a huge amount (but time consuming nonetheless) and then exams. Ugh. I just can’t wait for it to be over. I am still enjoying my major though =] I went and had a meeting with the chair of the program to see about transferring a few credits for next semester, and he was very complimentary of my writing skills. He was also really supportive when I told him that I was more interested in freelance work. Which is really exciting. I sort of figured that most professors would frown on it, but he seemed to be quite sure I would do well with freelance stuff. He also suggested I look into Technical Editing because it pays super well and I am a good writer. So that was really nice to hear from the Chair =]

I had an awesome lesson on Monday, wow I didn’t think it was that long ago haha. He cantered a whole course well by whole course I mean a five stride, a single diagonal and another single diagonal. He was SO good =] He even did two flying changes, yes, he’s a very fancy baby. Then Wednesday he was pretty naughty, I just cantered him for a long time. It had been so cold all week that he had been in his stall all week so yeah he was a bit frisky. Then Chelsea rode him for me Thursday and Friday and she said he was really good. We just really need to work on left bend. He just get SO stiff going to the left. But he’s starting to get it, which is nice.

Then Friday I had a nice lesson on Bently. We really worked on my equitation. We did a lot of counter canter work and whatnot too. Then we just worked over a grid that was a one stride to a two stride. It started out around three feet, just working on my releasing. Then Chelsea kept putting it up until it was four feet. I almost peed my pants. Thank God Bently is so good. I swear to God I was just closing my eyes and hanging on for dear life. It’s really insane how much that horse loves to jump and what good shape he is still in. I may be able to do the 1.15m jumpers this year afterall. Which would be TOO much fun. Plus at shows its way less scary because Bently is perfect, and outside the jumps seem way smaller. Hopefully I’ll get into more of a schedule on Bently so I can start jumping bigger most consistently and get myself going well again. I can’t wait for the outdoor shows to start.

We had a dressage clinic on Saturday. I HATE dressage, but Chelsea paid for my session so of course I did it. It was interesting, and good for Harry. The poor boy was so exhausted at the end. I don’t think we’ve ever trotted or cantered for so long non stop. And then he would NOT pick up his left lead. Like seriously refused! It was kinda funny actually. He has those little moments where his brain gets all flustered and he cannot function at all. But overall it was nice. The trainer helped me get his head in a good spot halfway through, but towards the end he was getting SO tired that he was leaning on me pretty bad, plus I just had a loose ring snaffle in. But yeah overall it was good.

I didn’t do much this weekend. I was freaking exhausted. And now I am trying to get a headstart on homework. Haha. We’ll see how that goes. But I’ve actually been quite productive seeing how Cody is still in Edmonton at school. I’ve lost a ton of weight though, because I’m not eating real meals. I eat like popcorn and Fibre One bars and that’s it. This week has been especially bad because my mom has been in the Dominican so she isn’t around to feed me either. Wow. I am pathetic.



could it be a faded rose from days gone by?


Oh the irony. Of course the one day I actually make it to this one particular class on time it is canceled. Lovely isn’t it? I really wish it hadn’t have been canceled. I am SUPER behind. I am so bad about skipping class. Then again Tuesday wasn’t really my fault, we had yet another bout of snow up in Alberta. Of course it melted within a few hours and now it’s snowing again. Gotta love the weather up here.

Cody left for Edmonton on Sunday, I am pretty sure I mentioned he was leaving to go to school. I honestly thought it would be good for our relationship. And I think it still is, but I didn’t think it would be this hard. I miss him alot. And I have way too many responsibilities with him gone. Speaking of responsibilities, I keep forgetting to feed his nasty frogs. The kittens are still going through their terrorizing phase. Nelly, in particular, is being evil. She keeps making a beeline for the door whenever it opens, and the second she gets outside she makes a run for it. I had to have the dogs “herd” her for me. Plus both kittens are eating SO much lately. I know they are growing but Jesus, they are going to make me broke. Well even more broke then I am. The dogs have been good. Chloe is the same old grump as ever. And Dixie has been really well behaved at the barn =] Except of course that she has learned to jump through the window in the door to the arena. Yeah. Not so good.

The barn has been good. The show went extremely well. I won all the 2′9″ over fences classes I was in and got a third in the under saddle. Not bad for riding the only pony in the whole division. Of course he was perfect. Seriously, if I hadn’t won at least one class it would have been SO embarassing. The next day the kids came down, the child on the pony won two classes and got second in her other two classes which was awesome. Then a few of the lease kids placed really well. Overall, it was a great show and lots of fun. Exhausting though. I had a nice little meltdown Saturday night when I got home and realized I had left my wallet an hour away at the show grounds. Lovely.

The Harold and Bently have both been extremely well behaved. Bently and I have been working through some issues. My left wrist is getting worse. I bend it SO much. So I’ve resorted to wearing wrist guards at all times even when riding the baby. Monday I had a lesson on Bently, and the second I got on I knew it was going to be a fight. The standards in the corner of the arena were apparently terrifying. Of course it’s all a game in Bently’s head, he knows I’ll let him get away with it. So my lesson consisted of him being on a circle and Chelsea yelling at me to sit up, keep a contact and ignore him. I don’t know why but I always try to give him a looser contact. Which really doesn’t work for him. Then we did a lot of work on lead changes and counter canter because he was getting a little sticky. We only jumped a tiny bit. But it went well, I just really had to work on not looking too hard for a distance. It’s just super hard when I ride Harry then Bently and then Teddy. Harry I’m just happy when he goes over, Teddy has a super small pony stride and then Bently is just Bently who gets pissed off when I mess up. It was coming though. I just need to find a happy medium between overthinking everything and my brain completely shutting down. It’s harder than it sounds.

Monday I just hacked Harry because he had had the weekend off and Lord only knows how jumping would have gone that day. So Wednesday I had a nice little lesson on the baby that went SO well. Normally when he doesn’t jump for a week he acts like he’s forgotten everything. But I just held my contact and kept my leg on and he trotted over the first little crossrail perfectly =] Then we were working on a three stride line that was super tight for him (trotting in) so Chelsea told me to canter it. Our canter work is still a little uh frightening, but he’s been super good lately. Anyways we cantered up to it and we got a nice little distance then got two strides perfect and over the next little crossrail. It actually felt like we knew what we were doing. The second time, Chelsea put the second jump up to a little vertical and we did the exact same thing. He even landed the right lead and we cantered around the end. It was so nice. And he was so comfy. It’s funny how the littlest things excite me on Harry. But it’s just nice to see how much he’s improved over the past few months. I am so excited about him. We’ve really bonded in the last little bit, which is nice. I haven’t bonded with a horse in such a long time.

We’re doing a clinic with one of the neighboring trainers next weekend just for the hell of it haha. It’s good for the younger kids and I figured I may as well do it with Harry. It’s always nice to hear other people’s opinions too. So it should be interesting. I’m looking forward to it.

I don’t have much else to say. I’ll try to start blogging more consistently, I really want to start keeping better track of Harry’s progress. But we’ll see. School, work and riding have all been kicking my ass lately.



there is no heaven


So just to warn everyone, I am in an extremely irritable mood. Even though I shouldn’t be. I really had a very, very productive day. And yet here I am all bitchy because of my “Stepmom”. Ugh I hate her. Seriously. I just need to get this rant off my chest and then I’ll get to the better stuff. So it all has to do with facebook. I honestly see my dad and his little hussy like once a month IF that. Which is fine. But on facebook, that “25 Things” is going around and of course little hussy decides to do it. What’s her number one comment? “It’s harder to be a stepmom then I thought it would be.” Step mom? Are you fucking kidding me? YOU ARE NOT A STEPMOM! Both my brother and I have been raised. We are done with parents. Well Austin not so much. But really? Seriously? And don’t say it on facebook you retard. Then it gets better. My mom and dad went in for mediation today. No. They still aren’t divorced. It’s been crazy and drug out, but it’s starting to get figured out. And then everything on Randi’s fucking facebook has to do with it. And how she hopes it all changes today, and that she wants this shit to end, and blah blah blah. Well this is what you get for marrying an already married father. It just irritates me to no one. It’s private shit. And then she’s like trying to be discreet on facebook by telling her friends “she can’t say anything on here because she doesn’t want people to see”. DON’T MARRY SOMEONE WHO IS MARRIED. And don’t talk about private matters that are really none of your concern.

Wow. Okay. Sorry I am done. But really, she fucking pisses me off.

School has been crazy hectic. Along with barn stuff. I had two midterms on Tuesday, both of which I thought I did quite well on. Then today I had a project worth 20% of my mark due for a crazy Nazi teacher. I was up until 2 am trying to finish it. It turned out alright. I did the best I could. Then I ended up skipping my last two classes to go get my Permanent Residency Card FINALLY! Long story, basically the government is super unorganized. But it’s done now. And a lot of stress has been lifted. Thank God.

Harry has been good. Except for the fact he has a rather unhealthy crush on Bently. It’s quite amusing actually. But the goal is to have him ready to do a cross rail show in May. Haha. We are doing little courses at home, but it’s still a bit of a struggle. He’s been good, and we’ve been playing with bits and I think we’ve got a good one. So that makes it a lot easier. He is so strong already. It’s a bit ridiculous.

This weekend we have a show. I’m not taking Bently anymore. I haven’t really had time to ride him like I should, plus we suck at indoor shows. I’ll just wait til the May one, then I’ll take him and Harry. I’m still showing Teddy tomorrow. Then I have to warm up some ponies on Saturday for the kids. It should be good. My old friend Kaitlyn started riding with me again, and bought a new horse =] A big thoroughbred mare who looks more like a warmblood. She’s a good girl, and she’s going to the show too so that should be interesting.

Cody is leaving to go to school three hours away on Sunday =[ I don’t want to live by myself for a month. He comes home weekends, but still, I am scared. Anyways, I need a freaking nap.



won’t you killl me, so i die happy


Well I don’t really have much to say yet again. Harry and I have been cantering =] He’s been super good. A bit cheeky yesterday at the canter, but he worked out of it. It was funny. And he’s never bad. Just cheeky, testing the waters. I haven’t been lunging him beforehand at all, so that’s a nice little change. He’s such a good two year old. It’s crazy. Except he loves the cats when they are in the barn, however once they are in the arena he is terrified of them. Yeah. I have no idea what goes through his little brain.

I started riding the Bently again. Which is nice. He keeps me sharp. I get away with a lot of crap on Harry as far as equitation goes. Bently gets so pissy if I do anything wrong. My first lesson back on him we were doing good hunter courses. We’re doing a show at the end of February, just the 3′ hunters because he’s had like four months off over fall. But he’s coming back quite well. I’m also taking Teddy, the super fancy pony. I’m taking him Friday to do the schooling 2′6″ hunters and then his little girl is taking him Saturday in the 2′3″ Short Stirrup hunters. So that’ll be a fun show =] I’m excited. We’re doing a braiding clinic for the kids a couple weeks ahead of time. Not that we will let them EVER braid. They are so bad. I know that sounds bad, but bad braids are like my biggest pet peeve. It took me a lot of years to get good, and I wish someone would have braided for me until I was good.

I rode that Annie pony today too. I don’t know if I mentioned her before. She was a $500 special that Chelsea bought a while ago, she’s only like 13.2 hands so I was the one who started riding her. I rode her for a few months and then Chelsea decided to let some other girl ride her. Touchy subject. I was pissed to say the least. But anyways, the girl has pretty much ruined the pony and now I get to fix her. I got on her today and she was SO wired. Like actually, I couldn’t even touch her mouth without her trying to take off. It was kinda nice though. I just put her on a circle, didn’t touch her mouth and let her sort it out. She was really good by the end. Like nice and relaxed. But I seriously just trotted for half an hour. It’s kinda nice when I have one of those moments when I know how to fix something. It makes all the freaking hours of riding crap horses worth it ha.

I guess that’s it. I have to work on a bunch of homework tomorrow. One of my assignments is to draw four black squares and make them look sneaky. Yes sneaky. So if you have any ideas, I’m open to them =]



sometimes i still wake up fighting mad


So this is just going to be quick. Or at least I hope. I got home safe and sound from New York, surprisingly on time. There was a whole lotta snow so I was a bit concerned. I started school last Thursday and it was good. Luckily I came to the barn on Friday and we had sand! Meaning I got to ride Harry! Finally. He’s been a superstar. But really, what else could we expect? He’s grown AGAIN. He’s now at a size 78 blanket at the very smallest. His big winter blanket is a 82. Ughh. He’s going to be a monster. The dogs are good. Dixie goes in to get spayed this Friday, so that will be good. I don’t have to worry about her getting pregnant anymore. I thought I had more to say than this. Apparently not. Maybe I’ll do an insightful post again at some point. Don’t hold your breath though <333



i’ve been feeling so alone


Oh where to start. I honestly don’t know where to even begin. I suppose with the fact that my two year old has officially had the same amount of time off as he has under saddle. Ugh. The indoor arena still isn’t done. Well it’s done but the retarded contractor kept putting off bringing sand. It should be there by now. I’m in Upstate NY at the moment, so I wouldn’t know, but I’ll get back to that later. Chelsea is really stressed out, therefore we had a nice little blowout about a week ago. It pissed me off. But hey what can I do? I have a good opportunity with her so I just need to suck it up when she gets bitchy I guess. It wasn’t anything too serious and I know I’m uber sensitive. But I don’t know. It’s better now I guess. And it’ll get even better once there is fucking sand and I get into a schedule of school, work and riding again. I haven’t ridden in FOREVER. It’s killing me. I feel so bad for Harry =[ I feel like I've neglected him the past month. But I've just been so busy. December kicks my butt every year. And this one was no exception. With exams, vet visits, work and Christmas I have been swamped. So I pretty much go to the barn, do morning chores, give Harry a treat and a pat and then leave. I'm a horrible mother. I feel even worse for Bently, I haven't taken his stable blanket off for a freaking month. Ugh. Oh well. He thinks he's retired at the moment.

What else? Well in case you couldn't tell on facebook I got another fucking animal. Yes another. I know, what was I thinking?! I always said I would never get another dog until Chloe was gone. I didn't have the time or money. But Dixie just sorta fell into our laps. So here's the story of how we came to own yet another border collie. Cody's brother came home one day to find a little border collie pup tied to their front deck with a note saying "you shouldn't let your dog run along the highway". It wasn't their dog, they do have a dog that looks similar to her though. So Denise (Cody's sister in law) called all the vets in their town to let them know they had the dog, finally the owner came to their house to claim the dog, or so they thought. The guy came to the door claiming they had his dog, so Denise asked him to describe the dog, he did perfectly so she said she'd be right back with the dog. But the guy stopped her, saying he just wanted the collar because he didn't have time for a dog that jumped out of the back of his truck. Yeah. A six month old puppy who is the SWEETEST little girl was abandoned by some asshole farmer. I was so mad when I found out. Anyways Cody's brother approached us to take it because we live on an acreage and he already has a one year old border collie and a two year old son. So yeah. Cody talked me into it and we officially owned Miss Dixie.

Now the dog is freaking adorable. However, she is also slightly psychotic. So the first day we have her, we discovered she chews EVERYTHING. Shoes, christmas ornaments, wood trim. Ugh. Yes. Horrible. Also the second day I had her, I take her to the barn and she slices her foot wide open two hours before I have to leave to write my last exam. To say the least, the first few weeks with Dixie were less than leisurable. But she's starting to get a lot better. She actually comes when we call her, she can sit, she can play fetch and we bought a big kennel that we keep her in while we aren't home so she won't chew. She's actually fit into the family quite well. Her and Andie LOVE each other. They play all freaking day. Nelly's not a huge fan of Dixie, but she doesn't mind her, Nelly still loves cuddling up with Chloe. And Chloe handled a new puppy a lot better than I thought she would. She isn't even jealous. But she doesn't have much patience for Dixie haha. If Dixie whines or something "bad" Chloe is right after her. It's pretty cute actually. And Cody LOVES Dixie too. It's like his little baby, and that's totally fine he can train her however haha. Except I still am the one who's around her the most. Dixie really gets along with Chelsea's dogs too. They tire each other out which is nice. I actually made Dixie pass out one night after playing at the barn, it was quite a feat.

Christmas was good. Slightly stressful mostly because my Dad is an ASS. But whatever. He phoned me the day before Christmas Eve to bitch me out because a lot of people in our small town found out about the fact that he had a wedding when he wasn't divorced from my mother. It turns out that he didn't tell his new "wife's" parents that he wasn't actually divorced. And then he was convinced that my mother must have told me because I couldn't figure out that no divorce meant no real marriage. Jesus. He thinks we are retarded. But anyways, Mom's Christmas was amazing as usual. Cody and I got a vacuum, dog beds, dog dishes, cat dishes, clothes, travel mugs, etc. etc. I can't even remember what else we got. Then my Dad got me a grocery gift card and a pet store gift card. That's it. Meanwhile my brother got a iPod, two hundred dollars worth of clothes, an Xbox 360 or whatever, a HUGE wall poster and several other things from my Dad. Wow. I mean I know I'm almost twenty and how much my brother gets shouldn't matter, could we at least try to be a little fair? Maybe? I don't know. My dad drives me insane. I'm so close to calling it quits with him. Actually.

I left for New York on New Years Day. And just to clarify this is Hicktown, Upstate Ny. Nothing fancy. And boring as hell, hence why I chose today to type out this HUGE blog entry. I miss Cody SO much and my dogs and kittens. It's horrible to be away from them. But it's a nice break I guess from the house and barn. Sand better be in the arena by the time I get back. Chelsea said she'd start working Harry and Bently again for me if sand was in before I got home. So that would be a nice little treat. New York's been good so far. Just some shopping and hanging out with my Grandma and cousins. We went to bingo tonight. Ha! It was fun but we didn't win anything. And then it got boring quick. But what did I really expect? Tomorrow we having breakfast with my Grandpa and his wife, then we are heading to a town about an hour away to do some major shopping haha. Then Monday my mom's friend is opening her hair salon just for me, my mom and my aunt to get our hair done =] So that’ll be nice! Then Tuesday we’re going to go to watch my cousin be a cheerleader at a highschool basketball team. LMAO. That’ll be interesting, to say the least.

I’m excited to get home. Of course my flight gets in at 11:00 pm Wednesday night and I have to be at school for 8:30am the next morning. Ugh. Oh well. I am excited to get back into my routine again. Tuesday I have class 9:00 til 3:30 then Thursdays I have it 9:00 til 7:30 (I know, brutal but worth it for just two days of school a week). I have Monday, Wednesday, Friday off to work and ride all day. Which will be SO nice especially when the arena is freaking ready. Then I can actually make some money from riding which is way easier than cleaning stalls for money. Ugh.

I could probably write more, but it’s nearly one in the morning and I gotta be at breakfast for 8:30 so I best be going to bed. Oh ps, I am totally picking up that horribly nasal accent from my family over here again. Crap!